Whether you prefer manifestation, spell casting, or goal setting, the hardest part for most of us is the (annoying) waiting period between taking action and seeing results.
What do you do when your desired outcome is taking its sweet-ass time to show up?
Today, I’d like to pass along some helpful info my guides shared recently…
…and then on the Aries Full Moon, we’ll build on this with a simple ritual designed to empower your manifestation abilities.
My guides explained that, far too often, we’re connecting our actions and desired outcomes to our self-worth.
In addition to making us feel like crap, this has a serious effect on our manifestation.
Here’s how my guides explained it…
Growing up, if your relationship to your caregivers was distant or unsupportive in various ways, as kids, we can’t grock that this is due to limitations on our caregivers’ part.
It’s too scary to acknowledge that the people we depend on for our survival are fallible and limited by their own wounding.
In an attempt to soothe this anxiety, we develop inner protectors who believe the issue isn’t with our caregivers–it must be our fault.
If only we were better or enough, then they’d care for us in the way we needed.
This belief, as horrible as it feels, also gives us a sense of control.
When we feel lonely or rejected…
…we can retreat to our heads, analyzing what we did “wrong” and trying to figure out how to prevent it from ever happening again.
This can eat up massive amounts of time and energy while, sadly, preventing us from seeing the real issue: we can’t make our caregivers more available by being “better.”
How is this related to manifestation?
Well, this faulty thinking gets carried over to other areas of our life, including manifestation.
When our desired outcome hasn’t shown up yet, we’re quick to jump to the conclusion that we haven’t done enough, that we’re just not worthy. (Or in spiritual circles, we’re not “high vibe” or “in alignment.”)
And then, recreating the childhood patterning, we retreat to our heads where we analyze what we did “wrong” and frantically try to fix it.
The issue is that, as before, we’re not able to see what’s really going on.
In childhood, what we couldn’t see were our caregivers’ limitations and wounds and how they were affecting us.
When looking through the lens of “this is because I’m not worthy,” we jump to inaccurate conclusions, and then we spend our time and energy trying to prove our worth.
But because the real issue is not a lack of worth, this doesn’t solve the problem.
And the same is true with manifestation.
When our desired outcome hasn’t shown up, and we’re looking at the situation through the lens of “this is because I’m not worthy,” we jump to inaccurate conclusions, and we spend our time and energy trying to prove our worth.
But because the real issue is not a lack of worth, this doesn’t solve the problem.
Here’s an example from my own life:
Many years ago, when I was pursuing my undergrad, I was thoroughly convinced I wanted to be a doctor.
I loved science, but the real driving force was an unconscious need to prove to my grandma (one of my primary caregivers when I was young) that I was worthy.
She idolized doctors, so maybe if I was one, she’d finally see that I was enough, too.
Problem was, deep down, I had zero interest in actually being a doctor. I was MISERABLE studying for the MCATs, and I started tanking in my classes, having trouble sleeping, and feeling like my life was spinning out of control.
I was spending massive amounts of time and energy (and money) trying to earn my self-worth, but because that wasn’t the real issue, this didn’t even come close to solving the problem.
The real issue was my grandma’s wounding that was preventing her from accepting me just as I am.
No degree or career could fix that. It wasn’t mine to fix.
But what I could do was put that time and energy (and money–hello, therapy) toward learning how to love and accept myself.
When we tether our self-worth to external circumstances, we’re not able to see situations clearly.
And the decisions we make when we believe our self-worth is on the line often have little relevance to actually improving our situation, like me trying to be a doctor to “become” lovable.
And here’s the key my guides shared:
This constant doing and striving from a place of low self-worth can prevent what we want and need from flowing into our lives.
In my example, I was so busy pursuing a dream that wasn’t mine, there was no space in my life for what I truly wanted to show up.
This sets up a vicious cycle where we’re not getting what we want and need, and then we attribute this to our not-enoughness, and around and around it goes.
Only we have the power to detach our self-worth from externals and break this can’t-win cycle.
For me, it’s like brushing my teeth: I have to do it regularly.
I need consistent self-care and gentle reminders whenever I find myself slipping back into “this is a reflection of my self-worth!” mode.
As we learn to trust that we’re worthy–just because, no matter what, full stop–then we’re able to step back and see situations more clearly, because everything doesn’t feel so dire.
Maybe we discover, hey, I actually don’t need to do anything about this right now. It’s just gonna take some time to unfold, so I’ll do something else and enjoy myself while I wait.
When our self-worth is on the line, waiting can feel like agony, so we frantically do something, anything, even if it’s not really in support of our goal.
Or perhaps we see, ah ha, here’s my next step, and then we take it. Simple as that.
When our self-worth is on the line, clarity around our next step gets clouded by fear and lack, so we either frantically do all the things or we feel so overwhelmed that we get stuck in procrastination.
When the pressure of proving our self-worth is off the table, it’s a billion times easier to make good decisions that truly support our desired outcome.
So today, practice detaching your self-worth from externals.
Here’s a mantra to help you remember…
I’ll see you on Wednesday with a free guided meditation for the Full Moon in Aries that will bring more joy, ease and success to your manifestation!