Winter Solstice, the longest night of the year…
…is a moment of transition where the old meets (and helps to create) the new.
And in recent weeks, I’ve been getting very pointed inner guidance that I need to integrate more of my “old self” into my work…
…if I want access to the sparkly inspiration and energy I’ll need to create the new.
Meditation and journaling helped me find previously hidden inner parts who equate being an adult with being VERY SERIOUS.
Thing is, though, I have an extremely goofy, imaginative side.
I love bright colors and glitter and dollhouses and all sorts of things that make these inner parts squirm with discomfort.
Growing up, I often felt unseen and unheard…
…and when I was seen, what was reflected back to me felt so very different from what I was trying so hard to communicate.
My grandma was one of my primary caregivers, and her mental illness saw “reality” through a glass, darkly.
I desperately believed if I could maybe just polish it a bit more, do more, be more, then I would finally be seen in a way that made sense.
Somehow my most precious offerings frequently came off as silly or cute, not to be taken seriously, and I developed parts who were hellbent on never feeling that way again.
I was going to be taken seriously, dammit! Life would make sense!
Cue embarking on my undergrad ambition to become a doctor, slogging my way through organic chem and cell bio…
…unwilling to listen to the internal cacophony attesting to how fucking miserable I was, because this was my surefire route to ultimate, irrevocable seriousness.
In spite of my serious parts…
…I somehow managed to switch gears and create a successful business sculpting miniature, inedible food, which I’ve been doing full-time for over 12 years now.
It allows me to immerse myself in teeny-tiny worlds (I have more dollhouses now than I did as a kid), spending my days surrounded by colorful art supplies.
When I launched my writing + magic business, Serious Me came back full force…
…(outside of my conscious awareness) and the colors faded, the imaginative little worlds were boarded up…
…and with them, my unique magic was stowed away in a dusty shoebox.
But as I’ve worked with and loved on those serious inner parts, helping them feel safe and accepted just as they are, my creativity has skyrocketed, and not just with work.
For years, I’ve been struggling to decorate our home, even though I’d been over-the-moon excited to finally have a place of our own.
My Libra Sun had loved decorating our tiny apartment, but moving into a house was SERIOUS, and I suddenly felt locked in indecision.
The other day, walking through Target I saw a paintable rainbow, and it made my heart soar.
Serious Me would have pushed it aside…
…but today, I’ve been having so much fun painting and getting glitter on absolutely everything, and I can’t wait to hang this beautiful rainbow on the living room wall.
I have so many fun ideas for next year…
…ideas that you’ll be seeing here on my blog in the coming months, along with a lot more color, maybe some of my tiny food because why not, and a whole bunch of magic.
Today on the Winter Solstice, is there something of the “old you” (aka, authentic you) that longs to be welcomed home?
Perhaps a part that was rejected by the ego because it didn’t fit a too-narrow self-image of what you “should” be in order to [fill in the blank]–be successful, find love, feel good about yourself.
Imagine this part is a stray kitten, and your work is to make it feel welcome.
What might you set out to coax it closer–craft supplies, a good book, some nourishing food?
What does it need to feel loved and at home?
May today light a flame of playfulness, joy, and self-acceptance in your heart.
And hey, if you feel like joining me in painting and crafting, pull up a chair!
Just know you’ll be instantly covered in glitter because, seriously, it’s freakin’ everywhere.