Last time, we looked at how my Critical Inner Parent kept me chained to the rule of “work until 5pm,” even when this left me exhausted and less productive. What I uncovered was that this pattern wasn’t about reaching my writing goals at all—it was about avoiding the terror of being seen as lazy (even by myself), which was equated with being unworthy of love.
While teasing that apart was illuminating, the story didn’t end there. Remember how I mentioned a tarot reading and a funeral? That’s where we’re headed today.
In exploring my Critical Inner Parent, my intuition nudged me to look at my tarot card for the month of September: the Green Man reversed from The Wildwood Tarot. This was during the tail end of August, so I took a peek at my August + September cards side by side.
I won’t be getting super granular with my interpretations since this is an ongoing reading, and it feels nourishing to keep some aspects private, but the gist is that September’s focus is learning how to be a better steward of my energy, in large part by listening to my body and spending more time outside. (And working with Pan.)
The Death card isn’t done with me either, but we’ll get to that in a bit.
I felt led to do a reading on the Critical Inner Parent, and specifically, how it was affecting my financial stability. Intuitive card layouts are an integral part of my tarot practice (I show you how to do them here), and for this reading, I saw a row of three cards above a single card. The upper row represents the oppressive energy of the Critical Inner Parent, which is overshadowing the seedling of Self underneath.
Recall that my card of the month was the Green Man reversed, so imagine my surprise when the first card I turned over was the Green Woman reversed. (And yes, I thoroughly shuffled the deck!)
Next up was the Ancestor reversed, quite fitting given the context of this reading (ancestral patterns + childhood programming). This was followed by the 8 of Stones, another apt card based on the theme of financial stability and everything I shared in my previous essay about the Critical Inner Parent’s rules for “working hard.” (It was also my card-of-the-month for April.)
These three cards painted a detailed picture of how the oppressive energy of the Critical Inner Parent affects my financial stability, giving me clear examples from my daily life. (Seriously, I freakin’ love tarot.) And finally, my seedling card was the Stag, which is one of my spirit guides. It delivered practical guidance on how to shift these patterns in my day-to-day life.
Being a little vague-sauce for privacy, the heart of the reading is: by trying to be something I’m not, by ignoring what is in favor of what I think “should” be, I overlook opportunities and fritter away the energy to pursue them.
Each card yielded a wealth of information, but there’s another aspect that’s super interesting. Did you notice the card numbers? We have the 8 of Stones and the Stag (card 8), and the remaining two cards (3 + 5) add up to 8, as if the reading is trying to hit me over the head with something.
What immediately jumped out was my enneagram type. I’m an 8, the Challenger. When I dug out my enneagram book, this flicked on even more light bulbs. I could share an absurdly long list of connections, but here’s one that’s relevant to my previous essay on the Critical Parent complex, and in particular its rule about working hard and never feeling supported (“I have to do it all myself”).
“Eights typically want to be self-reliant and depend on no one. But, ironically, they depend on many people…The fact is that whether in your business world or your domestic life, your self-sufficiency is largely an illusion.” (EnneagramInstitute.com)
Touché, enneagram.
This little gem opened up an entire universe of clarity around my creative work. More on that in an upcoming essay.
What about the funeral?
Well, after mulling over the tarot reading and the enneagram material, I had a crystal clear desire to host a funeral. (Hello, Death card. We meet again.)
Who died?
My Critical Inner Parent.
In this ritual, I’ll be saying goodbye to this parental imago (Latin for “image”). An imago is an internalized picture that shapes how we perceive and relate to other people, to the world, and to ourselves. They aren’t necessarily accurate snapshots of the person in question, but symbolic composites—emotional blueprints formed in early relationships.
In addition to saying farewell to the go-nowhere rules this imago espouses, the funeral will entail thanking the Critical Inner Parent for its positive contributions. In some ways, it has helped me achieve things of value. Granted, the cost is often much too high, but as I sift through the detritus, I’m grateful for the shards and snippets of a positive work ethic that I can now choose how to apply in my life.
From here on out, if I’m not letting the Critical Inner Parent set the rules, then whose terms am I living by? That’s where goal clarity comes in, because when we don’t our goals from approval-chasing, we risk slipping right back into old patterns in disguise.
Next time, we’ll look at how to tease those apart—the life-affirming pursuits versus soul-sucking approval chasing.
See you then.
